30 Day Fast .. DAY 2 - Spur Of The Moment

Day 2 - Tuesday August 18th, 2009 – 10:32 pm

30 Day Fast ...Reformat – Reboot and Rejuvenate in search of the truth about me.

SPUR OF THE MOMENT

(Attention Word Nazis - These blog post are written at midnight by a half conscience dyslexic - bar stool prophet foodie and are done fast and unedited to keep with the raw and pure truth of the intention of project...If the mosaic stream of conscientiousness and grammar offense you too bad...LOL )

8:57 am I am awoken by the familiar self made ring tone of my cell phone I search for it. It seems to somehow ended up on the left hand side of my bed stuck inside my duvet and pillow so I fumble to activate the answer button and yell “one moment please” as I fish out my phone from it's nesting place.

On the other end is my friend “M” laughs and ask “ what was that all about..” “ you don't want to know...” Then asks what are you doing... I say “ I am flexible..have a few things planned - but flying by the seat of my pants...” I need to go do some errands want to hang out... “A” is at work till 3:30pm then were off to The Fringe Festival for a week. I ponder for a second – I was going to go the Human Rights forum this morning..but this spontaneous misadventure sounds fun.

We always have fun together... So I agree and we set a time to meet “M” will be at my place in an hour ...I hang up lay back down and lay there for 5 minutes ….and with all will power force myself up to get ready for the day.. I quickly scan my various social media accounts naked … then hop into the shower ..(I like the bath better ...but don't have the time.) Hop Out .

Towel off and lay down again for a quick 30 zzz's it is so comfortable my mind wanders into slumberland – a dreamscape half conscience. “I am floating a top of a busy market then above a beach with vibrant sand ...not just one color – rainbow exotic I would describe it an array of shades and tones Black White Red Violet. I land in a clearing and the wind stands me upright now my feet are touching the sand ...In front of me I see 3 small beams of light that seem to be chasing each other and they are weaving there countenance around me. I look down and 10 feet away a group of Turtles very systematically coming out of the water they stop in front of me look up smile and move on.”

I am snapped back into reality by the text alert on my phone I look at the message and the time and scream get dressed hurriedly brush teeth and head out the door just then “M” pulls up. I get in and were off.

Still reeling from that odd surreal, but not uncommon foray into the alternate reality. I center myself and - try to glean what nugget of truth I can extract from that allegory. We discuss the many interpretations and laugh and become silent...a powerful sense of peace washes over us ...and drive in silence for a 3 or 4 minutes we don't discuss what happened and go on with our day. After doing a little shopping for about 2 hours we end up at this Vietnamese Restaurant later this would become worst decision of the day.

After helping “M” with rigging a Bike Rack on the Trunk of the Car. I am at home killing time to my next Event at 5 pm Green Drinks and Ecocentric – Social minded group that meets once a month for fun, food and discussion.

After unpacking my contribution to the unnecessary mass consumption of goods that we all have been brainwashed to perpetuate. I momentarily feel ashamed and feel like a hypocrite. I forgive myself and ground myself by listening Delirium. I again am lulled into altered state. I think this quest this 30day fast - is playing havoc with my inners. I constantly daydream and struggle to replace pure thoughts with lustful ones... now let me tell you that is difficult... My mind is racing as we speak...I knew I had a high libido but for gawd sake...seriously control myself.

I'm back my mind can focus.

As I was saying ...what was I saying...

My mother had this adage if you can't remember what you were about to say it was probably a lie... Interesting... If we analyze what we really said and thought how much of it would be true and how much would be lies. We lie to others and sadly more to ourselves everyday, every hour and every minute. I need to stop doing this.... we need to stop doing this...STOP the world I wanna get off ...LOL this rollercoaster of emotional deceit.

I am progressively feeling ill it all started a few hrs back. I have a headache and my stomach cramps something fierce....Bastards I think it was lunch...I had Vietnamese …. I love Vietnamese... but we tried this new place Called “Quynh” and it was atrocious the service was inexistent the presentation un appetizing the temperature luke warm and the food taste odd. I think this may be from combination of a little old fashion Cross-Contamination. I have a few digestive related intolerances ...one of them is Gluten – technically more Wheat but better safe than sorry.

I asked the server several time what was in it and how it was prepared....bastards.... so I was sick for 1 ½ hr had a quick nap and decided that although I wanted to go to Green Drinks was it in my best interest tonight...

I wasn't feeling well and my mind is slightly hazy at times...(I think I know how the characters in The Time Travelers Wife felt.)

The temptation was great and I may stumble cause there are few regulars that I kinda have a crush on. I know every one say awwww...so sweet. OK snap out of it.

So I decided to stay home. My phone buzzes with a text alert...and I check it and realize that I missed 3 calls and 2 texts.

I look at the time stamp - I lost 2 hrs again and don't know where they went. Am I dreaming or is this the dream or am I dreaming that I am not dreaming ...whatever ...Where am I ...who am I ...LOL LOL I am delusional OK it 1:10 am in the morning and this funny to me ...so sue me !!

So text back a message then my recent new colleague “S” calls she has been calling a lot lately hardcore since Saturday Night ….This is a delusionally happy sad story if there is such a thing. “S” has been severely negatively programmed from birth to think that she is not physically worthy or beautiful as a person. To to the fact that anytime anyone says that she is pretty, good looking or looks nice she goes into a tirade of actions and expletives that would make the Devil Blush.

She doesn't grasp the concept of Self Love. The is so imprinted into her psyche and emotional DNA that she completely self sabotage the most meaningful relationship in her life which the effects still haunt her today !!

She dated a man “Mc” off and on for 3 yrs (23 yrs ago) had a complete soul connection...and a state of complete trust … The Twitter version short and to the point. One night the night the consummated there relationship after several yrs - he said he loved and thought she was the most beautiful woman he knew....She cursed him out - went home pack a bag got on a voguer bus traveled for 18 hrs crying feeling betrayed asking her self over and over why was and is he lying to me, she never looked back ….

He tried for 5 yrs to track her down and reconcile ...she refused.....she got into alcohol and promiscuous sex... got pregnant is now married for 21 yrs with 3 kids and still the biggest fight she has with her husband is when he compliments her on her looks. And threatens divorce seriously if he doesn't stop. How sad is that.




OK I am done...I have made it through another day...What doesn't kill you make you stronger.

Its been 2 days and although I am muddled I am coming out the fog...slowly lets see how tomorrow progressives.


Day 3 ----here I come.


Big Hugs – Peace – Love – Acceptance- Knowledge – Growth – Wholeness

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